Wednesday, November 19, 2014

"Only This I Want"


It was 2005. I was in grad school and visiting an out of town friend for the weekend. The communion song at her parish that Sunday was "Only This I Want" by Dan Schutte.

Only This I Want
by: Dan Schutte

Refrain:
Only this I want:
but to know the Lord,
and to bear His cross,
so to wear the crown He wore.

Verse One
All but this is loss,
worthless refuse to me,
for to gain the Lord
is to gain all I need.

At the time I was single, praying about my vocation, and eager to get married. 

As I listened to the simple lyrics, I was convicted. My primary goal this side of heaven should be "to know the Lord." It also hit home that truly knowing the Lord involved sharing in his cross by carrying my own cross.

Tears streamed down my face. I realized that I was letting other desires come before my desire to know Jesus. 

I decided right then and there that if and when I got married, I would have that song at my wedding. 

We had it as our communion song (followed by Mike's favorite "Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silent"!). 

Now, almost ten years later, I need this song more than ever. As we continue to cope with infertility and prepare for adoption, it's so easy to let the journey's ups and downs cloud my thinking. The desire to be a mom is stronger than ever. While that's a good desire in and of itself, I've let it distract me from my relationship with God.

Come what may, in the next few months and years, I don't want to forget that "to gain the Lord is to gain all I need."

6 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean. It's odd that something like "wife and mother" should seem like a part of me when I am neither, but it does seem a part of me, and therefore it is hard sometimes not to make that a primary focus. Yet I have at times let it become almost an idol. Praying that the next months and years are fruitful for you in so many ways!

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  2. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend from Bible study who has 3 children; one of the things we spent a lot of time talking about was how easy it is for parents to make their children into idols (It isn't just us IF folks!). It is so hard to keep our face turned towards the Lord and to only want what He wants for us.

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  4. My song is "Seek Ye First"...so moving. We have been practicing and singing this song in the choir and it just moves me...love the U. tub.e. videos for this song as well. Preparing for adoption is so hard when you really don't know the day or time....with one year left on our contract...I'm not sure what to think!

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  5. What a beautiful reflection! Thank you for sharing!

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