Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Being vulnerable (and a rocking chair)

My new rocking chair looks like this,
I'll post pics soon!
We spent four days in Wisconsin visiting our families over July 4th weekend. We did all the cliche' Independence Day things: BBQ, fireworks, hanging out at the cottage. It. was. fun.

Despite all the family time I was feeling really really sad about infertility. :( I think it was mostly due to the five year anniversary of TTC looming, a poor prognosis of conceiving, fears about adoption, and the "baby hormones" of peak day happening.

I ended up posting this on Facebook:

I want to be a momma so badly, and Mike to be a daddy. Infertility is tough. “The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?” ― Laura Bush, Spoken from the Heart

I guess I was searching for some empathy and sympathy. Also, I just needed to "get it out" that the pain of infertility is still there and real, even after five years.

After posting, so many people responded with sweet thoughts and prayers for us! I was blown away and super blessed. My uncle, who I rarely see or talk to, sent me a private message:

"Maybe there is some special little baby out there that needs to be adopted by you and God has already planned. Maybe you will be blessed with adoptive children and biological children. It is timing. Always so very sad when good people have delays and people who don't deserve to have the gift of a child keep having children. You are both great people and God has a plan for both of you."

It's tough to be vulnerable, but in sharing our struggles we open ourselves to receive support from others. That's what the body of Christ is for.

Thank you everyone for your prayers!

Rocking Chair

In other news we are decorating our second bedroom as a study. One corner was missing something. I decided a rocking chair would be perfect, especially in preparation for adoption.

I am pretty picky about rocking chairs (not a fan of gliders). My little brother inherited my favorite rocking chair of all time. The one my parents received as a wedding present. I guess they needed it more than us, since they have five kiddos!

I started looking online for a rocking chair, but didn't really find one a liked (like I said, I'm picky).

This weekend we were visiting my brother (with the five kiddos) and he gave me Mom and Dad's rocking chair. He knew I liked it, but had no idea I was looking for one!

WOW.

I seriously almost broke into tears right then and there.

We couldn't fit the rocking chair in the car on the way home, but hopefully next trip. I promise I'll post pictures. :)

God bless your week! Thanks for stopping by!

MB

14 comments:

  1. OMWord!!! I LOVE this!!!! So glad you got the chair!!!! You need it!

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  2. Wow. What a beautiful gift from your brother!

    And your Facebook post was beautiful. I'm in awe of your courage to post it and I am praying for you every day.

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  3. I loved your Facebook post and all the comments. You too are such a sweet couple and are in my prayers. That rocking chair now…that is awesome!! So cool that he gave it to you, I can't wait to see pics of it when you get it home!

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  4. We have two rocking chairs in our house...sitting in the basement. One is actually from my dh's family....the one my dh was rocked in when he was a baby. He grabbed it from his dad's house. My dh did say that when/if we do adopt...he wants to get one of those cushioned kind.

    You are very brave to post on F.B. I don't know what kind of response I would get and I don't want too many questions. We like that we've kept this recent adoption journey quiet. Glad it has worked out for you. God does have a plan for all of us.

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    1. that is so neat that you have your husbands rocking chair from when he was a baby! I know what you mean about too many questions, sometimes I wish we hadntbeen been so public about everything,, but other times it's a huge blessing.

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  5. What an amazing God moment! To echo everyone above, your bravery and honesty is inspiring. God certainly has great plans for you. Many prayers for you and Mike!!!!!!

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  6. Wow, that last part about the rocking chair from your brother!! How incredibly special. I can see it as a "prayer chair" too - I've always found rocking very soothing. And I'm so impressed at your brave vulnerability! When I am vulnerable, more often than not I'm surprised and touched by people's kind reactions.

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  7. So glad that you received such support from family and friends with your FB post. And it is so amazing that you will be getting the rocking chair that you wanted.

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  8. How beautiful! The Holy Spirit was at work!

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  9. I love that you got the perfect rocking chair for you!

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  10. So excited about that rocking chair. Hoping you get to put it to good use soon! And I loved seeing that post on facebook... not that you had to write it, but that you were strong enough to share it with your online friends. That's a leap of faith and it seems only good things came back to you. How wonderful!

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  11. How neat that God made that little moment with the rocking chair happen! If I was going to post anything very directly on facebook about infertility it would *definitely* be that Laura Bush quote. She so perfectly articulated the thought and the feeling, didn't she? I'm glad you had a sweet message from your uncle too. It's great to see examples of the Holy Spirit coming through our family and friends.

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    1. Yes, that Laura Bush quote says it so perfectly!

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