|My new rocking chair looks like this, |
I'll post pics soon!
Despite all the family time I was feeling really really sad about infertility. :( I think it was mostly due to the five year anniversary of TTC looming, a poor prognosis of conceiving, fears about adoption, and the "baby hormones" of peak day happening.
I ended up posting this on Facebook:
I want to be a momma so badly, and Mike to be a daddy. Infertility is tough. “The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?” ― Laura Bush, Spoken from the Heart
I guess I was searching for some empathy and sympathy. Also, I just needed to "get it out" that the pain of infertility is still there and real, even after five years.
After posting, so many people responded with sweet thoughts and prayers for us! I was blown away and super blessed. My uncle, who I rarely see or talk to, sent me a private message:
"Maybe there is some special little baby out there that needs to be adopted by you and God has already planned. Maybe you will be blessed with adoptive children and biological children. It is timing. Always so very sad when good people have delays and people who don't deserve to have the gift of a child keep having children. You are both great people and God has a plan for both of you."
It's tough to be vulnerable, but in sharing our struggles we open ourselves to receive support from others. That's what the body of Christ is for.
Thank you everyone for your prayers!
In other news we are decorating our second bedroom as a study. One corner was missing something. I decided a rocking chair would be perfect, especially in preparation for adoption.
I am pretty picky about rocking chairs (not a fan of gliders). My little brother inherited my favorite rocking chair of all time. The one my parents received as a wedding present. I guess they needed it more than us, since they have five kiddos!
I started looking online for a rocking chair, but didn't really find one a liked (like I said, I'm picky).
This weekend we were visiting my brother (with the five kiddos) and he gave me Mom and Dad's rocking chair. He knew I liked it, but had no idea I was looking for one!
I seriously almost broke into tears right then and there.
We couldn't fit the rocking chair in the car on the way home, but hopefully next trip. I promise I'll post pictures. :)
God bless your week! Thanks for stopping by!