Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Adoption on our mind


We are back on the road to adoption!

We met with a new agency and explained our background and situation (Last summer we had started a home-study, but had to pause our efforts unexpectedly in fall). The new agency agreed to work with us and everything seems very positive, despite some extra steps. We are filling out paperwork (again) and our sweet references are completing reference forms again (thank you so much!).

It feels crazy and nerve-wracking to attempt adoption again. Envisioning Mike as a daddy makes me so excited. It keeps me motivated to plow through all this paperwork.


Love our new agency! The first agency took a "bare bones" approach and didn't really get to know us. Their forms looked like they had been photocopied from the 1980s. The paperwork from the new agency is more involved and in-depth. I appreciate their attention and thoroughness.

We went to an "Adoption 101" class a few weeks ago. It was so helpful to learn more about the process, and hear anecdotes from those who have adopted.

One thing we learned is that adoption involves loss experienced by three parties: 1. The birthparents, 2. The adopted child, and 3. The adoptive parents.

Why?

In choosing to place their child for adoption, birthparents lose the opportunity to raise their child. This is a HUGE sacrifice for a parent to make, and one that often leaves a permanent hole in their hearts.

Adopted children typically experience a sense of loss knowing that their birthparents weren't able to parent them. They need to come to terms with this in their own way, and often go through a period of grieving the loss of their birthparents.

Adoptive parents often come to adoption from the loss and pain they experienced during infertility (like us). As excited as we are to adopt, we have experienced a real loss in not being able to conceive.

While it breaks my heart to think of the loss and pain experienced by those involved in adoption, I am glad to at least be aware of it. I'm also glad that open adoption is more common. I never want to minimize the feelings of loss that our adopted son or daughter may experience, and I always want to honor the sacrifice that their birthparents made. I think it's important to acknowledge these losses in order to embrace the real beauty (and sorrow) that surrounds adoption.


In class we were also reminded of how God has used "adoptive families" in history to carry out His plan. Examples given were Moses (being "adopted" by Pharoah's daugher), the prophet Samuel (his mother Hannah conceived him after infertility and allowed the priest Eli to raise him), and Jesus, whose adopted father was St. Joseph. How beautiful that God has used adoptive parents in history to carry out His plan of salvation!

While I'm not looking forward to more paperwork, I am grateful for our agency and what I'm learning in our classes.

If you know us IRL, please don't share our adoption efforts with others quite yet. We plan to be more public once our home-study is approved. Please stay on the lookout for any birthmother's considering adoption...our home-study process can speed up if needed. :)

Thanks for stopping by!

16 comments:

  1. How exciting!!!! So, SO happy for you!! I pray your paperwork gets done speedily. That's great that the 2nd agency seems like a better fit! Blessings!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am so glad to hear that your agency made an effort to talk about how God has used adoptive families in His plan of salvation. The classes we attended (at our local Catholic Charities) focused so much on how adoption is entirely out of loss that I had to ask "If adoption is so bad, why should anyone do it?" It was interesting to hear them back peddle quickly. The thing is that in a perfect world there would be no need for adoption, but it seems like some agencies/social workers don't want to admit that we live in a fallen, non-perfectable world. (Sorry for the rant!) I am so glad to hear this agency seems to be a better fit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. I was feeling a bit discouraged during the class at first. It helped when they brought it full circle to how God can bring good out of a tough situation.

      Delete
  3. I am SO excited to see this update!!!!!! I am certain that God has amazing things in store for you. I will be praying praying praying!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so excited for you guys! I LOVE this post!!! Lots of prayers coming for you both!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. So glad to hear that you guys are climbing back on the horse with a new agency! It's promising that you were upfront with them and they agreed to work with you!

    Our bmom said that she couldn't bear to go to church after her placement, because she felt so judged by everyone. Meanwhile, everyone praises DH and me for our pro-life values in adopting. I didn't save my kids from abortion. It wasn't my choice to make; it was all hers. Now, she's the one who gets judged, and I get praised.

    Open adoption is hard--and I want to write a post soon about the hard parts of it. But overall, I'm so grateful that we have a good relationship with our bmom, and I know that the twins will benefit from having her love in their life for years to come.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to read your post when you write it, and any tips you have for developing s good relationship with a birthmom.

      Delete
  6. Praying for you!! So glad to see this :).

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow this is so exciting, glad you are finding new hope!

    ReplyDelete
  8. So excited for you and praying for you guys! I would think about hearing about how adoption is a loss is one of those truths that is hard to hear, but good to acknowledge. There is so much good and gain that comes from adoption that it can be easy to set that aside, but I think that looking at the full picture and accepting all of it leads to even greater blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yeah for a new agency and new journey! It is true about loss in adoption...we also took that adoption 101 class...interesting and good info to remember.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Mike and Mary Beth: You will be in my prayers! May the love you share always be strong. We'll keep in touch through our blogs now. Make sure to let me know if y'all head down this way. God bless you both!

    ReplyDelete
  11. So excited for you guys!! Hope this new road to adoption will lead you to your forever babe, and soon!! Hugs and prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  12. AWESOME!!!!! This is so GREAT!!! I am looking forward to following you on your journey! <3

    ReplyDelete