I'm not proud to say it, but I've been in a funk the last two weeks. I've been jealous, feeling sorry for myself, and giving in to negative thinking.
My hubby has been putting up with a lot from me and been extra sweet, but I've still been "off". Midweek I got it all out, and just vented about life. It felt good to talk about everything swirling around in my little head, even though it wasn't pretty.
I also came across these reflections from "In Conversation With God Vol 2, Holy Week: Wednesday" on three different ways of carrying our cross:
One - Carrying our cross furiously or sullenly
"Today, too, the cross can be carried in different ways. There is the cross carried furiously or sullenly, in a rage; man writhes and squirms, filled with hate, or at least, with a deep and burning resentment. It is a cross without meaning and without any explanation, useless; such a cross may even separate one from God. It is the cross of those in this world who seek comfort and material well-being, who will put up with neither suffering nor setbacks, for they have no wish to understand the supernatural meaning of pain. It is a cross which does not redeem. It is the cross carried by one of the thieves."
Two - Carrying our cross with resignation and acceptance
"On the road to Calvary is a second cross, carried this time with resignation, perhaps even with some dignity, with an acceptance of the situation simply because there is no alternative to it. This is the one carried by the other thief. Little by little he realizes that close by him is the sovereign figure of Christ, who will radically change the final moments of his life on earth, and for eternity; he will be the one converted into the good thief."
Three - Carrying our cross with love and in reparation
"Jesus embraces the saving wood and teaches us how we ought to carry our own cross: with love, co-redeeming all souls with him, making reparation at the same time for our own sins. Our Lord has conferred on human suffering a deep meaning. Being able, as he was, to redeem us in a multitude of ways, he chose to do so through suffering, for greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13)."
These reflections challenged me to take a good look at the way I carry my cross. I'm embarrassed to say that lately I've been carrying my cross more via the first way, rather than the third. Thankfully Jesus is merciful and patient.