Saturday, March 15, 2014

Change is in the Air

We decided to make some changes this summer.

Hubby has been working on this dissertation on and off since fall, but its tough to get any meaningful work done with his full-time job and teaching as an adjunct. Ultimately he would like to teach at a Catholic seminary. Finishing the doctorate will give him the credentials he needs.

This summer he is quitting his full-time job and working part-time as director of religious education (DRE for grades 1-8) at a smaller parish. He will have summers off and two full days a week to focus on research and writing his dissertation.

We decided it was a good time to do this, since we don't have kids yet and I am working full-time at a job I like. It feels weird though, since I'll be the primary contributor to our finances. I'm also a little sad to postpone buying a house a while longer. 

I'm still SO glad that hubby can do this!!! First of all because he is an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G teacher and writer and has so much to offer the Church. Also once he has the doctorate, his job prospects will be better for our long-term financial future. 

A few people mentioned to me: "Maybe this is why you haven't had kids yet, so you have the opportunity to do this." For some reason this rubbed me the wrong way.

There's no doubt in my mind that God wants to use hubby's gift of teaching, but I really hope it's not true that God didn't bless us with kids for 4.5 years and counting, so hubby could finish his doctorate sooner. Am I terrible for thinking that? 

There are ways to continue your education while working and being a parent. We both desperately wish we had kids, even if it would make the doctorate difficult or impossible. 

Anyway, that was a little bit of a vent. 

Hopefully good things will come out of this decision! We are also going to pursue adoption again in the summer, and see how things work out.

On a side note, I might be a little out of touch awhile. When I started my new job I learned that my main duty for the next 2 months is income tax preparation. I like preparing taxes, but the crazy hours are rough. I'll be working every day, every weekend, until April 15th. April 15 is Tuesday of Holy Week, so I'm offering up working so much as part of my Lent. 

Easter can't come sooner enough!

17 comments:

  1. Good Luck, I will be praying for you both.

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  2. people say things without thinking don't they? that would have rubbed me the wrong way too.
    ack about the income taxes dear! hope you survive! that is such an intense season...my friend who is a CPA used to go to the post office at midnight on April 15 to watch the last people rushing to get their taxes in...ha ha...gave him some crazy self satisfaction that it was all over I guess! Easter will be a big relief for you...hope you get some coffee and a few mental breaks here and there!

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    1. I'm sure I've probably said things without thinking, that have hurt people too. It just made me think about it. Thankfully everyone and our parents are really supportive.

      Mike has been super helpful this weekend when I've worked both days. Just trying to take things one day at a time.
      Hope your doing well friend.

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  3. Can we please form a club of childless wives working full time married to doctoral students who are slogging away at their disseration? =) Even if it's just me and you, it feels less lonely! But seriously, I'm excited about this move for you. I too have received pretty much the same comment because our circumstances are very similar. I have the same reaction as you, and then I think, well, might as well make the best of it! We so very much want to have a child (dissertation or no!) but my dh is really trying to make headway on his work so that God willing when we do become parents, we're that much better situated. And that gives us some comfort. Plus I'm pretty sure it's what God is asking us to do right now (as opposed to sit around and mope at not being parents, which is pretty tempting many days!)

    Anyway, all that is to say that I hear you on all this! Good luck with tax season and God bless you and your dh!

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    1. It's such a blessing knowing we're in this together. I think you and your hubby have it right, we do want to use this time wisely and prepare for the future. It feels good to take this step and get something productive done for our future.

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  4. That's exciting, but sounds like you'll be really busy! I completely agree that that whole line of reasoning of "this is why you don't have kids yet/this is why whatever is happening in your life is happening" is crap. Pretty sure that the God of the universe could make this work either way. I don't really fully have my thoughts on that all worked out, but whenever I hear something like that, I also hate it.

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    1. I know people mean well!!!, but sometimes it just rubs the wrong way.

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  5. How exciting to get a chance to finish up! He is one smart guy! I wish I could read all his work and just ask more questions! I really wish we still lived close to do panera again...

    Hang in there too. Seems like for even all the good or necessary things in life, it does not replace the grief of IF. We really hope for both an adoption and conception (to full term) miracle for you two. We send lots of love!

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    1. Thanks. He is excited and I am too. We are glad to move forward with this, but it really is bittersweet. Thanks for your continued hope for us, we still hoping for you guys too!

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  6. Everyone wants to answer the "Why?" for us, don't they? It's one thing if a person comes to the conclusion that things happened this way for that reason (thinking of comments people have made after they have formed their families, for example) and something so very different if someone else concludes that's why things happened as they did. Good luck with tax season! Try to take care of yourself throughout the chaos and insanity.

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    1. That's a great way to see it, looking backwards. I really hope and believe in hindsight we'll look back on this time as a blessing, but for now we really want kiddos! ;) Thanks for the prayers!

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  7. I don't like when people make those kind of comments either. I really want to believe they mean well....but lots of people parent, work full and go back to school. It is easier to pursue an education without children...I can attest for that. I had the time to get the papers and extra work done. Sounds like an excellent plan....Yeah!

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    1. I know God is bringing good out of this situation, and glad we can finally move forward on something.

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  8. So sorry folks have said that to you! I don't think it's right at all. I don't think God willed your infertility just so your new employment plans could work out as they are. I think instead God took your bad situation (infertility -- not caused by Him) and still made the best out of it. Maybe I'm wrong, but it comforts me to think of it that way. He doesn't will the bad stuff, he just redeems the bad stuff for good.

    Anyway, so excited for you both! You've got some big changes on the horizon and they all sound so exciting. :) I'll definitely be praying for you both, especially as you pursue adoption this summer AND as you work your tail off 'til April 15th.

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    1. I love the way you say it, God "redeems the bad stuff for good."

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  9. I've found that people want desperately to be the ones to "fix" the problem for us - and when they can't, they still try desperately to take ownership of the reasons WHY they couldn't fix the problem. Even the most well-intentioned comments, from women in the know, have rubbed me the wrong way because of this. Comments like, "Now that you have your own home, (not living with in-laws), I bet you'll get pregnant!" and "Maybe it was because of x that you didn't have kids, yet."
    Ultimately, the diseases causing infertility are not "given" to you so that you can attain some worldly possessions before being blessed with a priceless gift. That is just silly talk. And that's why it rubbed you (and me) the wrong way.

    However, I am very excited about this prospect on your agenda this year, and hope that WHEN you do have children, you will be able to look back and know you lived life well in the waiting :)

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