Sunday, January 26, 2014

Just an update

I haven't posted in awhile, mostly because work has been insanely crazy and I don't feel like I have much to share.

I LOVE reading other blogs, especially related to adoption and infertility. I feel less alone in my crazy ups and downs. Also reading about adoptive families gets me excited for what will hopefully be in our future. Thank you all for sharing your joys and sorrows!!! Sending prayers!

...so just a few updates...

Adoption and IF
Everything is still on hold regarding adoption. Our plan right now is to wait until summer, switch agencies, and start the home-study again. Two acquaintances adopted this year. I love seeing their Facebook updates and beautiful babies! I feel so hopeful!!! I wish our efforts weren't stalled and we were welcoming home our son or daughter, but keep telling myself that our child must not be ready for us yet.

I think the "third round" of babies is about to start soon for many of our friends. We have friends with 1-5 children. A year ago it seemed liked lots of friends had their second baby, so guessing pretty soon we'll hear announcements for baby #3. Even though IF makes this tough, new life is a beautiful thing! So many of our friends are raising beautiful Catholic families. I really am blessed by their example, faith, and the sacrifices they make for their families. I'm so grateful when these friends share their struggles with me, even if they are related to parenting, because each person's cross is the toughest for them, in that moment. What's important to me is that we can walk with one another.

I really want to have joy when I hear about the new babies to be born, but right now I'm feeling apprehensive. I'm always happy for my friends/family, but feel sad and left behind when reminded of my own empty womb. It's important to remember that I can feel happy for our friends, and brokenhearted for us, simultaneously.

Prayer
I feel like I've been in a "desert" in my prayer life for awhile. I try to read the daily gospel but can't focus on it, or reflect on how it applies to my life. After I read it my mind goes blank. Sometimes I re-read the gospel several times but just can't seem to glean anything from it. I usually also read a meditation from the Magnificat or In Conversation with God (which I LOVE). That helps, but usually after 10min my mind is wandering or blank, and I feel like I'm just "putting time in" but not getting any closer to God. Help!

The tough thing is I can't remember if my prayer life has always been this way, or if it's only in the past few years (since IF)? I feel like it was better in high school and college, but maybe I'm just looking at the past with rose-colored glasses.

One of my new year's resolutions is to go to early morning Mass and confession once a week, before work. The first time I did it was last Thursday, so I didn't start the year off too well. Hoping I can make it a habit. Mass and confession can only be fruitful.

I follow "The Feminine Gift" blog and a post this week really hit me. You can read it here, but I'll end with the quote that really made me think: 

"God is enough!  God is enough!  And everything else is not enough.
Mother Mary Francis PCC

11 comments:

  1. I too feel like my prayer life needs an overhaul. I think it was easier in hs and college because everything was so exciting then, ya know? I have been working on a better routine and trying to journal. I love the feminine gift blog too, they have some very insightful posts!

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    1. I think you're right about HS and College being easier, maybe we were in the "honeymoon" stage of our faith then, and now we are hopefully growing into a deeper stage.

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  2. I love how positive you are, even through these tough times. So humble and so selfless.

    I especially like this line: "It's important to remember that I can feel happy for our friends, and brokenhearted for us, simultaneously." I'm actually working on a blog post now that is exactly about this.

    Sorry to hear you've been struggling with prayer lately. I hope going to an early morning Mass and weekly confession will do the trick for you! And it's ok that you haven't been able to make it a habit yet. You've started, so you're already one step in the right direction. :)

    Thanks for the update! I always enjoy reading your posts.

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    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement!, especially in prayer and confession. ;)

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  3. God is enough...we went to a different church yesterday and that priest talked about how God and Family are most important and the other things...like cats are blessings. It all made sense to me.

    We are on the adoption journey again ourselves. We tried through Catholic Charities but no connections were made for us in 4 years so we opted out..now we are going through a new agency that markets us and connects us with potential b/m's and LCFS will do the actual legal, homestudy paperwork. So far so good, only CC is not willing to give LCFS a copy of our old homestudy that we did with them...I'm working on that. Anything we can do to get this going..is a good thing. My dh and I have waited long enough. It's kind of like a hurry up and wait game. Praying for you as you wait and decide your next steps on your own adoption journey.

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    1. Thanks so much, prayers for you and DH too! Looking forward to being on this journey together, hope it is fruitful and your wait is not too long. Wow, four years is a looooooong time to wait with no action.

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  4. Praying for you in the midst of all of this. I hear you on round #3. I've been in a bit of a quiet spot for a little while, but it's starting. Except that it's #4 for a couple of my friends.

    I'll have to look more closely at the blog you linked. I'm not familiar with it, but that post was pretty great and that last line is SO true!

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  5. Sometimes it is hard to pray and read the Bible when "waiting" is so hard. Sometimes I almost have to choose to block my heart/emotions when I read about miracles so I won't get mad at God when I have to wait longer or not be healed the way I would hope. However, my best days are when I choose to pray and seek God.

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  6. thank you for sharing your heart! and that is a beautiful quote...

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  7. That quote. So what I needed to read tonight. Thank-you for sharing it.

    I hear you on prayer, I don't think I realized how off I have been since Christmas with my prayer life until I was reading this nodding along. Thank-you for that nudge as well.

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  8. I definitely get the "left behind" feeling =( and I'm sorry about adoption being on hold. We're in a similar place due to our finances, Mr. M being in school, and our housing situation. I feel much more peaceful about it than before Christmas, but it's still hard to feel like you're staring at a red light. ...especially when everyone else's family keeps growing. Many prayers for you!!

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