Sunday, January 26, 2014

Just an update

I haven't posted in awhile, mostly because work has been insanely crazy and I don't feel like I have much to share.

I LOVE reading other blogs, especially related to adoption and infertility. I feel less alone in my crazy ups and downs. Also reading about adoptive families gets me excited for what will hopefully be in our future. Thank you all for sharing your joys and sorrows!!! Sending prayers! just a few updates...

Adoption and IF
Everything is still on hold regarding adoption. Our plan right now is to wait until summer, switch agencies, and start the home-study again. Two acquaintances adopted this year. I love seeing their Facebook updates and beautiful babies! I feel so hopeful!!! I wish our efforts weren't stalled and we were welcoming home our son or daughter, but keep telling myself that our child must not be ready for us yet.

I think the "third round" of babies is about to start soon for many of our friends. We have friends with 1-5 children. A year ago it seemed liked lots of friends had their second baby, so guessing pretty soon we'll hear announcements for baby #3. Even though IF makes this tough, new life is a beautiful thing! So many of our friends are raising beautiful Catholic families. I really am blessed by their example, faith, and the sacrifices they make for their families. I'm so grateful when these friends share their struggles with me, even if they are related to parenting, because each person's cross is the toughest for them, in that moment. What's important to me is that we can walk with one another.

I really want to have joy when I hear about the new babies to be born, but right now I'm feeling apprehensive. I'm always happy for my friends/family, but feel sad and left behind when reminded of my own empty womb. It's important to remember that I can feel happy for our friends, and brokenhearted for us, simultaneously.

I feel like I've been in a "desert" in my prayer life for awhile. I try to read the daily gospel but can't focus on it, or reflect on how it applies to my life. After I read it my mind goes blank. Sometimes I re-read the gospel several times but just can't seem to glean anything from it. I usually also read a meditation from the Magnificat or In Conversation with God (which I LOVE). That helps, but usually after 10min my mind is wandering or blank, and I feel like I'm just "putting time in" but not getting any closer to God. Help!

The tough thing is I can't remember if my prayer life has always been this way, or if it's only in the past few years (since IF)? I feel like it was better in high school and college, but maybe I'm just looking at the past with rose-colored glasses.

One of my new year's resolutions is to go to early morning Mass and confession once a week, before work. The first time I did it was last Thursday, so I didn't start the year off too well. Hoping I can make it a habit. Mass and confession can only be fruitful.

I follow "The Feminine Gift" blog and a post this week really hit me. You can read it here, but I'll end with the quote that really made me think: 

"God is enough!  God is enough!  And everything else is not enough.
Mother Mary Francis PCC